Almost exactly one year ago today I found out I had Lyme Disease and would be going through an intense treatment protocol. On top of that, I would be leaving in three weeks for my consultation in another State and had to be prepared to stay for 2 months.
Because I didn’t want to go the antibiotic route, since my body was too weak already, I decided on an integrative protocol that had success. I remember my mom coming in my room to share with me and telling me there would be IV’s, shots, detoxing and explaining the “push” (the injection/protocol that would jumpstart the immune system to start working & fighting again).
Devastated. Emotional. Overwhelmed. Stressed. Scared. Upset. Alone. Anxious. Nervous. Afraid. Processing. Helpless. Confused.
These were just some of the thoughts and emotions that went through my mind that day. I just needed to get away and process.
So I drove…
I drove to one of my favorite spots. A spot that held many memories for other reasons. A spot that I could feel so small and feel that God was so much Bigger and Mighty than me and my problems. A place where I could let it all go.
I hiked up the hill, cried, talked to God, maybe even yelled at Him, asking Him “why?!” When I finally got to the top of the hill, I could see the freeway, the whole bay and the rest of the hills and trails below. I was encompassed by huge oak trees, dry golden grass and wild flowers. Above all the chaos, noise and people, I could finally just think.
There’s something about just being alone, in the middle of nowhere, in God’s majestic creation that makes you feel so small and so much closer to Him.
I sat down on a bench and cried. Then would just look around at the beauty, and cry more. haha. Later a friend came, sat with me, comforted me and made me laugh – which I will forever be grateful…..
So here I am a year later….
Honestly, I am nowhere close to where I hoped to be after treatment or where I expected I would be a year later, but I am exactly where He wants me to be. Honestly my pain is worse and more intense and debilitating and I feel like other symptoms are more amplified. BUT I have been
fighting a virus this last week and my immune system definitely seemed stronger, even if just the littlest bit, and for that I am just praising the Lord! In the past a virus would hit me hard and I would be fighting it for 2+ weeks.
I have learned and grown so much through this season. I am still learning. Learning to praise Him through it all. Thank Him for the pain and health issues, thank Him for the heartbreak, thank Him through the good and bad. Yes. The good and bad. Because no matter what, He has the plan and is in control. Every day I continue to learn to lean on Him.
It has probably been almost a year, maybe a little less since I was last at that beautiful spot.
Mainly because I was always in too much pain or too weak to be walking or hiking.
But today, I went back to that spot. Edgewood Park. I went with my Dad. I wanted to remake memories there. To just thank the Lord for what He has brought me through and what He is doing in my life. Sharing that special time with my Dad, I am so thankful for him.
And you wanna know what? I was able to hike up those hills today. I made it to the top. It was hard. My legs ached and feet hurt, I’m still so weak and barely have any muscle or fat from losing so much weight. But I am stronger than I was, because, I made it to the top. It may not sounds like a huge accomplishment for some, but for me, it is. God is Good.
I surveyed the beautiful oak trees, blue sky and wild flowers and captured the view in my heart, mind and camera. Photography is something I love and enjoy because I live through those photos. When I am sick or in debilitating pain, I look back on those photos and relive those memories.
I just wanted to share that with you all and will probably be posting more through the next few months as more days will be anniversaries of different events through my treatment journey.